It's Christmas Eve eve!

Well, the stockings are hung. They are filled with bits of construction paper glued together and colored by the kids for each other.

The tree is decorated, with the smooshy soft ornaments around the bottom and the breakables at the top. And the skirt is on upside down.

The cookies are made, but already half gone. We're going to have to make more for Santa!

We have the boxes still sitting in the dining room from putting the tree up, and they'll probably still be there in two weeks when we take the tree back down.

Christmas around here is crazy. My kids love to decorate, and bake and "help", and it's too much, sometimes! But I can't believe how much less stressful it is for our family than for a lot of others I've heard from.

We don't go to get pictures with Santa. With six children, there's no way we could get them all to look at the camera at once, anyway. We have an opportunity to go to one for free at our church, but we missed it this year due to basketball. No one even noticed. Woot!!

Santa only brings three gifts per child and they go under the tree on Christmas eve, so there's not as much wrapping, then peeking, unwrapping, re-taping, ripping, etc. The tree is bare underneath until Santa comes. The stockings are filled by Mom and Dad, and they know it, and those aren't filled until Christmas eve, either. So much easier!

We don't do a lot of baking. We make cookies for Santa, and a few extras just because, but I remember going to my Grandmother's every year for an entire day just to bake, and while it was fun, I can't imagine the time and expense of that now.

Don't get me wrong, we have our traditions, but they do not involve a lot of shopping and standing in line. We don't spend entire days baking. We watch the same movies every year, and we always go to Grandpa's house. And there is always a game of Hearts to be played.

Giving gifts is fun, as are all the baking and shopping and decorations, but to me, the best part of Christmas is family. Christmas to me is about being together. Remembering Jesus and His birth and the miracle of that. Remembering His poverty, and the gifts He both gave through His life and death, and received from the kings who recognized the true King of kings.

Merry CHRISTmas!

Pride...

Time to talk about Pride. It's at the top the "big seven", and it's rival is humility.

"Pride was the devil's great sin, as he wanted to be like God, and rebelled. There are 7 basic kinds of sin, that lead to all others, known as the Seven Deadly sins. It takes heroic virtue in most cases to overcome these." --- CatholicBible101.com

Pride is defined by the dictionary as "An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit." --- thefreedictionary.com

In the Catholic bible, pride is one of the deadliest sins. One way of thinking of Pride is placing your own worth above others, even God.

Another definition of pride, from the same source, is "To indulge (oneself) in a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction". In fact, many people take sincere pleasure in being right, they take satisfaction from thinking they are better than others, or are smarter, or more athletic. Or in thinking that they know what's best.

I am a very prideful person in just about every definition of the word. I frequently feel the need to push until the other person (usually my husband) can see that I'm right, because it helps me to feel good about myself. I feel the need to reward myself for doing things that I feel are so terribly difficult that I should be commended for just thinking about doing them. Like dealing with my own children all day. Man...now I need a treat! Because I deserve it, right? Because my needs are so important that I deserve a treat for just doing the basic mothering duties that are required by law. Because my time is so valuable that any time someone asks me for something, I feel put out, and resentful that they should take any of my time. Can't they see I'm watching my favorite tv show? Can't they brush their own teeth for once?

I am also very prideful when it comes to things I feel like I know. Like scrapbooking and knitting and crocheting. I know how to do these things, so I should be able to wow others with my expertise, right? Like my faith. I'm catholic, I'm a convert, I go to mass every week, right? I know how to defend my faith and fight for my faith, right?

Today's homily at my church was about pride. Putting myself behind others. Trusting in god, and not only myself. Sitting at the low table so I may be exalted, rather than taking the high place only to be laid low.

And when it comes to apologetics? I try. I really do. but when will I realize that I don't know what I'm talking about, and quit putting my foot in my mouth? I don't know it all. But whenever I try to defend my beliefs or my faith in God before others, I forget. Whenever I go and try to explain myself, I end up embarrassing myself at my lack of eloquence. Then what happens? I get angry. I get angry and I end up just clamming up and backing away. Anger is yet another of those darn deadly sins. Not a very good Catholic example, is it?

I keep coming back to this, and I wish it would stick: My vocation as a Catholic is not as anapologist. It's not as an evangelist. I'm a housewife! I just can't seem to wrap my mind around that. It's my pride getting in the way. I can't stop thinking of myself as more, when I should be thinking of myself less.

A prayer to overcome pride:

O Jesus, Model of humility, divest me of all pride and arrogance. Let me acknowledge my weakness and sinfulness, so that I may bear mockery and contempt for Your sake and esteem myself as lowly in your sight. AMEN



Litany of Humility (to overcome pride, and for power in prayer)
O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, R/deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, R/
From the desire of being extolled, R/
From the desire of being honored, R/
From the desire of being praised, R/
From the desire of being preferred to others, R/
From the desire of being consulted, R/
From the desire of being approved, R/
From the fear of being humiliated, R/
From the fear of being despised, R/
From the fear of suffering rebukes, R/
From the fear of being calumniated, R/
From the fear of being forgotten, R/
From the fear of being wronged, R/
From the fear of being suspected, R/

That others may be loved more than I, R/Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, R/
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, R/
That others may be chosen and I set aside, R/
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, R/
That others may be preferred to me in everything, R/
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, R/

AMEN

Back to School!

Ok, not for a week or so, but there is a lot of excitement around here.

My 12 year old has been asking about shopping for supplies for a good 2 weeks (even before vacation!) and we finally got them over the weekend. Three different stores and about 10 shopping bags later, and we still have to buy paper towels, bleach wipes and tissues. Yeesh!

We got the uniforms out of the way; with the oldest needing a whole new set, thankfully the others only needed a few items to fill out the stash. Now we have to stock up on socks and underwear. This is the one time of year when everyone gets a full new set of underwear and socks. Except mom and dad, of course. We need to stock up on navy kneehighs as well!

The other exciting thing about this year's back to school, is I may be starting back to work full time outside the home for the first time in over eight years, not counting my part time stint as a grocery store cashier. I'm both nervous and excited, and a little scared about this possibility, and I don't even really know if I want to pursue it, but it's there and my husband and family are excited, as well. It's as a preschool teacher, which would mean I would be able to be there with my children, and my son would get his pre-k schooling while I would be able to make a little extra cash. It would be a pay cut, but I would have my foot in the door, and next year, when my son is in all day kindergarten, I would be making more and already have my job search out of the way.

I've applied to a few places, but one Christian based center is really standing out to me. Anyone out there reading this, I would appreciate some prayers for discernment for me this week! If offered the job, it really depends on the pay if I accept or not. Eek! The suspense is almost too much!

Is Divorce Contagious?

I'm a member of an online forum where the question of divorce came up recently.

Take this article that was raised as a debating topic on our forum:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/7871149/Divorce-is-contagious.html

This article states that divorce can become "contagious" among groups of couples:

"The researchers have called it “divorce clustering” and found that a split up between immediate friends increases a person’s own chances of of getting divorced by 75 per cent." This is because: "When a divorced person confided in someone married, the married person gained knowledge about the benefits and drawbacks of divorce. In the study it appeared most people saw the benefits in dovorce[sic]."

This sparked a big debate on our forum, which is comprised of mostly women and a few men from all walks of life, socio-economic statuses and all religions.

Some people felt that it was unfair to assume that if one couple divorced, it was more likely that they would get divorced by association. Still others were upset when some people proposed that marriage should be fought for, saying that they had seen marriages that were disasters and that divorce was the best thing to happen in those situations.

What does the Catholic church think? Basically, that marriage is sacred. A civil divorce is not the same as an annulment (which is the only way to dissolve a blessed Catholic marriage). Marriage is forever, and should not be entered into lightly.

My personal belief is that once your marriage has been blessed by the church, it's forever. It's not "forever until something better comes along". Marriage is hard. It's sometimes frustrating, messy, definitely challenging. But for the exception of serious mental, emotional or physical abuse, or infidelity, I have to say that marriage should be fought for.

If you are unsatisfied, speak up! This is a hard one for me. I'm working on it. If you are envious of other marriages (or divorces, for that matter), try to figure out what you are envious of...in my case, free time. I feel like I just never can get enough time for myself. I have several friends divorcing right now, and when I see them taking a day off or a weekend away, I feel envious. Not of their situation, but of their freedom. A hard-won and usually sometimes bittersweet freedom, however. I sometimes feel like I wish I could start all over, but I wouldn't have the husband I have now, I wouldn't have my wonderful children, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. We don't have a perfect marriage, but we are trying, and that means a lot.

Something to think about.

Why I love school uniforms

My oldest four children attend Catholic school. They wear uniforms every day, and I love it! They all attended public school before going to private school and I have had the opportunity to see both sides of this situation. Here are the pros and cons as I see them. See what you think.


1. cost -- Even if I were to buy two full uniforms per kid each year, it would still likely cost me less than a full wardrobe of public school wear. This is a very conservative estimate of what I will likely need to buy new, based on how much I am willing to spend on "new" items. Also, keep in mind that I can pass the same uniform down to younger children for several years before they wear out. The same cannot always be said of clothes that may fall out of fashion, or be worn out sooner because they are made of less "sturdy" fabric.

Uniforms (if purchased all new):
3 skirts around $90
8 polo shirts $60
2 pr. blue pants $30
4 pr. shoes $80
2 pr. shorts $30
4 new packs of socks $36 = $326 for four kids

Public school(assuming they can still fit into most of last year's wardrobe):
8 new prs jeans $160
16-32 new shirts (factoring in short and longsleeves) up to $300
4 pr. shoes $80
4 new packs socks $36 = $576 for four kids

2. envy -- With school uniforms, there is no reason for envy. Everyone has the same plaid skirt, the same yellow polo shirt, the same logo sweatshirt. Everyone has a level playing field. Not everyone has the same shoes, but that's not as much of an issue, in my experience.

3. "Play clothes" -- My children are very aware of which clothes are for going to "nice" places (out to eat, to grandma's house, church), as opposed to which clothes are play clothes. Any new clothes they get that are not for school, are automatically relegated to play clothes status. We have a lot less excess clothing this way.

4. laundry -- I only wash school uniforms about twice a week, with only one load washing it all. With regular clothes, I would be washing almost a full load daily. I do still have the play clothes to wash, but since they are only wearing them a couple hours a day, they can be worn more than once a week before laundering.


To me, uniforms just make more sense.

Vacation Packing

In just over a week, we are heading to Carthage, MO for my daughter's Little League regionals softball competition. I'm trying to make my packing list for the trip. Keeping in mind that I will have to do laundry at least once while we are gone, here's what I have come up with so far...




Knitting bag with two projects to choose from
Light For My Path book
16 pairs of shoes
32 pairs of pants/shorts
32 shirts
32 pairs of underwear
10 bras
32 pairs of socks
16 pairs of pajamas
1 complete softball uniform with cleats
clothes for church for each of us
2 hair brushes
8 toothbrushes
toothpaste
sunscreen
8 swimsuits
camera
3 cell phones
2 iPods
battery charger
4 cords for charging camera, cell phones and iPods
Hair elastics, headbands, prewrap
straightener
2 makeup bags
hairspray
sippy cups
snacks
stroller
booster seat for meals with tray
2 wipeoff bibs
1 package diapers
1 package wipes
dishsoap for washing sippy cups and booster seat tray
Shampoo, conditioner
softball bat and glove
entertainment for the vehicle (it's a several hour long drive)

I think that's it!

Having a large family can be lonely sometimes...

We went to the park the other day. Myself, and my six children. They range in age from almost 2 to almost 15.

We had heard this park was cool from a group of ladies that I knit with, so I was game to try a new place.

So when we got there, and realized there was a splash park next to the playground, my kids were instantly bummed. We didn't know there was water, we weren't dressed for it, and their friends were already splashing. My oldest two were bored, and the youngest I knew would just get soaked, and I had other errands to run, so I didn't want to deal with her wetness the whole time. So we left. I was bummed, too, I really wanted to have some adult time with some friends so I could just relax and chat.

Instead, we stopped at QT and got our $.69 Freezonies, then went to the "fish" park (there's a bridge shaped like a fish). There were other people there, but it wasn't the same. By then, it was hot, my hands were too sweaty to knit, and the kids were having fun, but it was sandy, and a litte wet. So, still messy, but now it was wet sand, not just wet clothes.

I like to be able to take my kids to do fun things, like the zoo, the park, the children's museum. But it's so hard to find a place they can all have fun doing the same thing that doesn't involve a lot of whining, or snacks, or money. We can go to free movies, or the library, but we don't always agree on the movie, and at the library, it's not my favorite thing to try and keep the littles in the storybook section while the olders look at the young adult section. Not to mention the fact that I have twice as many children as many of my friends, and none of my friends have both teens and toddlers. So I can't even say "Hey, let's all get together and do ....." because we don't even all fit into the same vehicle. Then, I spend so much time dealing with the kids that I can't usually hold a coherent conversation.

I think that's why I like my online friends. I can "talk" to them when I have the time, and during odd bits of the day, like when the kids are eating, or napping, or playing outside. It's a comfort to have them to turn to about things I don't necessarily want my IRL (in real life) friends to know or see about me. Thank you, SG, for that.

Well, it's been a while, but here we go.

Ok. I was going to try and combine blogs, but I just really do want my catholic/mom type stuff "here", and my Gillyweeds stuff "there", so I'm back. I'll be posting off and on, and hopefully I won't be too boring.

I began a series on my other blog, about being a mom of six. I'll post the content from that post here, and continue on. Here's part one...

Six Kids, The Series...

I try to be the positive mom that has six children and can be upbeat about it. I get wound up and stressed, but I try to show in public, at least, that having six children is not outrageous, or weird. I try to show that having six children isn't a bad thing.

But, it does have it's disadvantages. We have four girls and two boys. The boys are close in age (just under three years apart) and they get into things. A lot. They sneak food and try to hide it. They jump off the top of the bunk bed. They hang things from their ceiling fan. They wet the bed, then don't tell me until bedtime the next night. They squirt water all over the bathroom, and smear toothpaste anywhere they can find room. They are a force to be reckoned with.

The girls aren't much better, though! They leave their shoes, cleats, backpacks, hoodies, books, you name it, all over the house. They eat and drink in their rooms and then spill all over. They brush their hair in weird places, and then loose the brush for the next person. When you have four girls with medium to long hair, this ones a biggie!

They are all involved in sports. This means I am toting four to six children to 3 soccer games, 3-6 softball games, and school, every week. I am preparing breakfast, lunch, and then ususally packing dinner to eat on the run 3-4 days a week, for 6 kids. My husband doesn't even eat dinner until after 8 most nights.

I'm really feeling the crunch these last several weeks of school. Field trips, field days, sports, school, finals, and first communion have been paying their toll. I have been making wrong turns while driving, forgetting things and wandering around listlessly all week. I just can't seem to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes, and I feel like I am pulling my hair out.

But I don't want people to think it's because I have six children that I am like this. It's because I am unorganized. I am stressed out because I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. I don't get enough sleep. I am frazzled because I let myself be. I worry about things that I have no control over. It's me, people!

Having six children has forced me to learn some things about myself. I can make decisions under fire and get the job done (when I apply myself!), maybe not perfectly, but adequately. I will never, ever be bored. Ever. I always have someone to talk to, even if they can't talk back, yet. I like to try new things, but I crave structure. I don't get that structure, but I'm learning to accept what I can't change. I am learning to let things go that would have really bothered me even just a few years ago. I am learning to accept that my plan isn't the one that matters. I am learning humility.

I am learning that pride really is a sin, and that I can't do it all on my own. I am learning that the mom my kids need isn't necessarily the one society thinks they need. That's a very freeing idea to me, and I'm glad I have been given the opportunity to learn that. But it's scary to go against the "norm" and not fall into the guilt trap. I'm trying.

So when you see me out in public, speaking too loudly (ok, yelling) to my kids to hurry up, or pulling the fourth bag of stuff out of the trunk just to get us through an hour long soccer game, or pushing a stroller through the parking lot, while holding three blankets, two tote bags, and holding three kids' hands, understand me. Don't judge. I have six children because I love children, and I believe they are a blessing. They are fed, loved, schooled, and lack for very little. I go without so they can have the things they need, and most of the things they want. Don't feel sorry for me, or look down on me, or think to yourself "what is she thinking?!"

Just look at me as another person, just getting through life the best way I know how. And for crying out loud, grab a tote bag and help me across the street!

Well, the time has come.

Too many blogs, not enough time. If you wish to continue reading about my life (and who doesn't?) you can find me here: Gillyweeds and Musings. See you there!

Envy

Ok, I have been suffering from Envy for a while. I say suffering, because it is a really hard feeling to deal with sometimes.

I have been very envious of those of my friends who have fewer children, lately. I am envious of their time, their money, their freedom.

I am feeling so guilty because of this! I love my children so much, but I just feel so frustrated. I never thought I would be a mother of six. So now when I think of my life as I had imagined it, and how it is now, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. I always imagined myself like my mom. Working, clean house, lots of free time to pursue my hobbies, visiting family and friends when I feel like it.

None of those things are a reality for me as a mother of six. I work, but I work at home amid the chaos. I don't get to "escape" away to work and do what I always think of as "grown up" work. I work at things like snaking the toilet, doing mountains of laundry and trying to make a little money watching other people's children as well. My house is NEVER clean. Ever. I have free time, but only if I choose to use free time instead of clean. With six children, we can never just hop up and go visit family for a weekend. It's a major ordeal just to go to the store, sometimes.

I don't know where I'm specifically going with this, I guess I just needed to get it out. I am feeling very envious. The first step is admitting the problem, right?

Light my Fire!

Ok, the title of this post sounds much more exciting than the post itself. Sorry in advance.

I have been trying unsuccessfully for about 20 minutes now, to light the pilot on my water heater. I have repeated all the steps. It won't light. What do the directions tell me to do if the light doesn't stay lit? Repeat the directions. At what point do I stop repeating to figure out what the source of the problem is?

This is kind of like my life sometimes. Something happens. I react. It happens again. I react in the same way, hoping something will change. Etc. So isn't that the definition of insanity? Repeating the action hoping that eventually a new result will be reached? I'm thinking of my children and their behavior at the moment. Snow days will make me a little crazy, and yet I always react the same way, hoping that this time, they will magically behave the way I want them to. I am finally realizing that I need to change my attitude and just be grateful to spend this time with them, because it's time I'll never see again.

Anyhoo, I'm off to try to light my fire again, insane or not. I'm not a water heater guy, so I may just have cold water until my hubby gets home and figures it out for me.