Envy

Ok, I have been suffering from Envy for a while. I say suffering, because it is a really hard feeling to deal with sometimes.

I have been very envious of those of my friends who have fewer children, lately. I am envious of their time, their money, their freedom.

I am feeling so guilty because of this! I love my children so much, but I just feel so frustrated. I never thought I would be a mother of six. So now when I think of my life as I had imagined it, and how it is now, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. I always imagined myself like my mom. Working, clean house, lots of free time to pursue my hobbies, visiting family and friends when I feel like it.

None of those things are a reality for me as a mother of six. I work, but I work at home amid the chaos. I don't get to "escape" away to work and do what I always think of as "grown up" work. I work at things like snaking the toilet, doing mountains of laundry and trying to make a little money watching other people's children as well. My house is NEVER clean. Ever. I have free time, but only if I choose to use free time instead of clean. With six children, we can never just hop up and go visit family for a weekend. It's a major ordeal just to go to the store, sometimes.

I don't know where I'm specifically going with this, I guess I just needed to get it out. I am feeling very envious. The first step is admitting the problem, right?

Let's talk about sin, baby!

Ok, I have to say that I am a sinner. Duh, right?

Well, I have been thinking about this since it started getting colder that lent is coming (I know, I know, it's not even Advent yet, but still), and I am getting closer to that time when I try to give up something for God.

Which brings me to sin. I am a good person, but very sinful! My daughter learned an acronym to help her remember the 7 deadly sins at school.

EGGSLAP.

Envy
Greed
Gluttony
Sloth
Lust
Anger
Pride

As I think every night before I go to bed, and review my day, several of these seem to pop up over and over again.

Envy. Greed. Gluttony. Sloth. Anger.

I am envious of those that have more than me, or nicer houses than me or nicer clothes, or skinnier bodies.

I am greedy with my food, my money, my time.

I eat to excess much of the time.

I would much rather sit on the couch and watch tv or a movie, or work on my scrapbooks or knit and crochet than just about anything.

I always rise to anger before I think about the situation.

So I urge you to go over your EGGSLAP list every night. When you come across those sins that seem to repeat and repeat, pray about them. I find myself realizing that I can avoid those sins much easier if I'm aware of them.

Now, Lent. I plan on giving up soda, and fast food. I am recording this here, for posterity, because I know that if I have it written down, I am so much more likely to follow through. I hope that by giving up these two things, I will be able to start to get a handle on my gluttony and greed, at least.

Pray for me!