I'm a member of an online forum where the question of divorce came up recently.
Take this article that was raised as a debating topic on our forum:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/7871149/Divorce-is-contagious.html
This article states that divorce can become "contagious" among groups of couples:
"The researchers have called it “divorce clustering” and found that a split up between immediate friends increases a person’s own chances of of getting divorced by 75 per cent." This is because: "When a divorced person confided in someone married, the married person gained knowledge about the benefits and drawbacks of divorce. In the study it appeared most people saw the benefits in dovorce[sic]."
This sparked a big debate on our forum, which is comprised of mostly women and a few men from all walks of life, socio-economic statuses and all religions.
Some people felt that it was unfair to assume that if one couple divorced, it was more likely that they would get divorced by association. Still others were upset when some people proposed that marriage should be fought for, saying that they had seen marriages that were disasters and that divorce was the best thing to happen in those situations.
What does the Catholic church think? Basically, that marriage is sacred. A civil divorce is not the same as an annulment (which is the only way to dissolve a blessed Catholic marriage). Marriage is forever, and should not be entered into lightly.
My personal belief is that once your marriage has been blessed by the church, it's forever. It's not "forever until something better comes along". Marriage is hard. It's sometimes frustrating, messy, definitely challenging. But for the exception of serious mental, emotional or physical abuse, or infidelity, I have to say that marriage should be fought for.
If you are unsatisfied, speak up! This is a hard one for me. I'm working on it. If you are envious of other marriages (or divorces, for that matter), try to figure out what you are envious of...in my case, free time. I feel like I just never can get enough time for myself. I have several friends divorcing right now, and when I see them taking a day off or a weekend away, I feel envious. Not of their situation, but of their freedom. A hard-won and usually sometimes bittersweet freedom, however. I sometimes feel like I wish I could start all over, but I wouldn't have the husband I have now, I wouldn't have my wonderful children, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. We don't have a perfect marriage, but we are trying, and that means a lot.
Something to think about.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Why I love school uniforms
My oldest four children attend Catholic school. They wear uniforms every day, and I love it! They all attended public school before going to private school and I have had the opportunity to see both sides of this situation. Here are the pros and cons as I see them. See what you think.
1. cost -- Even if I were to buy two full uniforms per kid each year, it would still likely cost me less than a full wardrobe of public school wear. This is a very conservative estimate of what I will likely need to buy new, based on how much I am willing to spend on "new" items. Also, keep in mind that I can pass the same uniform down to younger children for several years before they wear out. The same cannot always be said of clothes that may fall out of fashion, or be worn out sooner because they are made of less "sturdy" fabric.
Uniforms (if purchased all new):
3 skirts around $90
8 polo shirts $60
2 pr. blue pants $30
4 pr. shoes $80
2 pr. shorts $30
4 new packs of socks $36 = $326 for four kids
Public school(assuming they can still fit into most of last year's wardrobe):
8 new prs jeans $160
16-32 new shirts (factoring in short and longsleeves) up to $300
4 pr. shoes $80
4 new packs socks $36 = $576 for four kids
2. envy -- With school uniforms, there is no reason for envy. Everyone has the same plaid skirt, the same yellow polo shirt, the same logo sweatshirt. Everyone has a level playing field. Not everyone has the same shoes, but that's not as much of an issue, in my experience.
3. "Play clothes" -- My children are very aware of which clothes are for going to "nice" places (out to eat, to grandma's house, church), as opposed to which clothes are play clothes. Any new clothes they get that are not for school, are automatically relegated to play clothes status. We have a lot less excess clothing this way.
4. laundry -- I only wash school uniforms about twice a week, with only one load washing it all. With regular clothes, I would be washing almost a full load daily. I do still have the play clothes to wash, but since they are only wearing them a couple hours a day, they can be worn more than once a week before laundering.
To me, uniforms just make more sense.
1. cost -- Even if I were to buy two full uniforms per kid each year, it would still likely cost me less than a full wardrobe of public school wear. This is a very conservative estimate of what I will likely need to buy new, based on how much I am willing to spend on "new" items. Also, keep in mind that I can pass the same uniform down to younger children for several years before they wear out. The same cannot always be said of clothes that may fall out of fashion, or be worn out sooner because they are made of less "sturdy" fabric.
Uniforms (if purchased all new):
3 skirts around $90
8 polo shirts $60
2 pr. blue pants $30
4 pr. shoes $80
2 pr. shorts $30
4 new packs of socks $36 = $326 for four kids
Public school(assuming they can still fit into most of last year's wardrobe):
8 new prs jeans $160
16-32 new shirts (factoring in short and longsleeves) up to $300
4 pr. shoes $80
4 new packs socks $36 = $576 for four kids
2. envy -- With school uniforms, there is no reason for envy. Everyone has the same plaid skirt, the same yellow polo shirt, the same logo sweatshirt. Everyone has a level playing field. Not everyone has the same shoes, but that's not as much of an issue, in my experience.
3. "Play clothes" -- My children are very aware of which clothes are for going to "nice" places (out to eat, to grandma's house, church), as opposed to which clothes are play clothes. Any new clothes they get that are not for school, are automatically relegated to play clothes status. We have a lot less excess clothing this way.
4. laundry -- I only wash school uniforms about twice a week, with only one load washing it all. With regular clothes, I would be washing almost a full load daily. I do still have the play clothes to wash, but since they are only wearing them a couple hours a day, they can be worn more than once a week before laundering.
To me, uniforms just make more sense.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Vacation Packing
In just over a week, we are heading to Carthage, MO for my daughter's Little League regionals softball competition. I'm trying to make my packing list for the trip. Keeping in mind that I will have to do laundry at least once while we are gone, here's what I have come up with so far...
Knitting bag with two projects to choose from
Light For My Path book
16 pairs of shoes
32 pairs of pants/shorts
32 shirts
32 pairs of underwear
10 bras
32 pairs of socks
16 pairs of pajamas
1 complete softball uniform with cleats
clothes for church for each of us
2 hair brushes
8 toothbrushes
toothpaste
sunscreen
8 swimsuits
camera
3 cell phones
2 iPods
battery charger
4 cords for charging camera, cell phones and iPods
Hair elastics, headbands, prewrap
straightener
2 makeup bags
hairspray
sippy cups
snacks
stroller
booster seat for meals with tray
2 wipeoff bibs
1 package diapers
1 package wipes
dishsoap for washing sippy cups and booster seat tray
Shampoo, conditioner
softball bat and glove
entertainment for the vehicle (it's a several hour long drive)
I think that's it!
Knitting bag with two projects to choose from
Light For My Path book
16 pairs of shoes
32 pairs of pants/shorts
32 shirts
32 pairs of underwear
10 bras
32 pairs of socks
16 pairs of pajamas
1 complete softball uniform with cleats
clothes for church for each of us
2 hair brushes
8 toothbrushes
toothpaste
sunscreen
8 swimsuits
camera
3 cell phones
2 iPods
battery charger
4 cords for charging camera, cell phones and iPods
Hair elastics, headbands, prewrap
straightener
2 makeup bags
hairspray
sippy cups
snacks
stroller
booster seat for meals with tray
2 wipeoff bibs
1 package diapers
1 package wipes
dishsoap for washing sippy cups and booster seat tray
Shampoo, conditioner
softball bat and glove
entertainment for the vehicle (it's a several hour long drive)
I think that's it!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Having a large family can be lonely sometimes...
We went to the park the other day. Myself, and my six children. They range in age from almost 2 to almost 15.
We had heard this park was cool from a group of ladies that I knit with, so I was game to try a new place.
So when we got there, and realized there was a splash park next to the playground, my kids were instantly bummed. We didn't know there was water, we weren't dressed for it, and their friends were already splashing. My oldest two were bored, and the youngest I knew would just get soaked, and I had other errands to run, so I didn't want to deal with her wetness the whole time. So we left. I was bummed, too, I really wanted to have some adult time with some friends so I could just relax and chat.
Instead, we stopped at QT and got our $.69 Freezonies, then went to the "fish" park (there's a bridge shaped like a fish). There were other people there, but it wasn't the same. By then, it was hot, my hands were too sweaty to knit, and the kids were having fun, but it was sandy, and a litte wet. So, still messy, but now it was wet sand, not just wet clothes.
I like to be able to take my kids to do fun things, like the zoo, the park, the children's museum. But it's so hard to find a place they can all have fun doing the same thing that doesn't involve a lot of whining, or snacks, or money. We can go to free movies, or the library, but we don't always agree on the movie, and at the library, it's not my favorite thing to try and keep the littles in the storybook section while the olders look at the young adult section. Not to mention the fact that I have twice as many children as many of my friends, and none of my friends have both teens and toddlers. So I can't even say "Hey, let's all get together and do ....." because we don't even all fit into the same vehicle. Then, I spend so much time dealing with the kids that I can't usually hold a coherent conversation.
I think that's why I like my online friends. I can "talk" to them when I have the time, and during odd bits of the day, like when the kids are eating, or napping, or playing outside. It's a comfort to have them to turn to about things I don't necessarily want my IRL (in real life) friends to know or see about me. Thank you, SG, for that.
We had heard this park was cool from a group of ladies that I knit with, so I was game to try a new place.
So when we got there, and realized there was a splash park next to the playground, my kids were instantly bummed. We didn't know there was water, we weren't dressed for it, and their friends were already splashing. My oldest two were bored, and the youngest I knew would just get soaked, and I had other errands to run, so I didn't want to deal with her wetness the whole time. So we left. I was bummed, too, I really wanted to have some adult time with some friends so I could just relax and chat.
Instead, we stopped at QT and got our $.69 Freezonies, then went to the "fish" park (there's a bridge shaped like a fish). There were other people there, but it wasn't the same. By then, it was hot, my hands were too sweaty to knit, and the kids were having fun, but it was sandy, and a litte wet. So, still messy, but now it was wet sand, not just wet clothes.
I like to be able to take my kids to do fun things, like the zoo, the park, the children's museum. But it's so hard to find a place they can all have fun doing the same thing that doesn't involve a lot of whining, or snacks, or money. We can go to free movies, or the library, but we don't always agree on the movie, and at the library, it's not my favorite thing to try and keep the littles in the storybook section while the olders look at the young adult section. Not to mention the fact that I have twice as many children as many of my friends, and none of my friends have both teens and toddlers. So I can't even say "Hey, let's all get together and do ....." because we don't even all fit into the same vehicle. Then, I spend so much time dealing with the kids that I can't usually hold a coherent conversation.
I think that's why I like my online friends. I can "talk" to them when I have the time, and during odd bits of the day, like when the kids are eating, or napping, or playing outside. It's a comfort to have them to turn to about things I don't necessarily want my IRL (in real life) friends to know or see about me. Thank you, SG, for that.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Well, it's been a while, but here we go.
Ok. I was going to try and combine blogs, but I just really do want my catholic/mom type stuff "here", and my Gillyweeds stuff "there", so I'm back. I'll be posting off and on, and hopefully I won't be too boring.
I began a series on my other blog, about being a mom of six. I'll post the content from that post here, and continue on. Here's part one...
Six Kids, The Series...
I try to be the positive mom that has six children and can be upbeat about it. I get wound up and stressed, but I try to show in public, at least, that having six children is not outrageous, or weird. I try to show that having six children isn't a bad thing.
But, it does have it's disadvantages. We have four girls and two boys. The boys are close in age (just under three years apart) and they get into things. A lot. They sneak food and try to hide it. They jump off the top of the bunk bed. They hang things from their ceiling fan. They wet the bed, then don't tell me until bedtime the next night. They squirt water all over the bathroom, and smear toothpaste anywhere they can find room. They are a force to be reckoned with.
The girls aren't much better, though! They leave their shoes, cleats, backpacks, hoodies, books, you name it, all over the house. They eat and drink in their rooms and then spill all over. They brush their hair in weird places, and then loose the brush for the next person. When you have four girls with medium to long hair, this ones a biggie!
They are all involved in sports. This means I am toting four to six children to 3 soccer games, 3-6 softball games, and school, every week. I am preparing breakfast, lunch, and then ususally packing dinner to eat on the run 3-4 days a week, for 6 kids. My husband doesn't even eat dinner until after 8 most nights.
I'm really feeling the crunch these last several weeks of school. Field trips, field days, sports, school, finals, and first communion have been paying their toll. I have been making wrong turns while driving, forgetting things and wandering around listlessly all week. I just can't seem to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes, and I feel like I am pulling my hair out.
But I don't want people to think it's because I have six children that I am like this. It's because I am unorganized. I am stressed out because I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. I don't get enough sleep. I am frazzled because I let myself be. I worry about things that I have no control over. It's me, people!
Having six children has forced me to learn some things about myself. I can make decisions under fire and get the job done (when I apply myself!), maybe not perfectly, but adequately. I will never, ever be bored. Ever. I always have someone to talk to, even if they can't talk back, yet. I like to try new things, but I crave structure. I don't get that structure, but I'm learning to accept what I can't change. I am learning to let things go that would have really bothered me even just a few years ago. I am learning to accept that my plan isn't the one that matters. I am learning humility.
I am learning that pride really is a sin, and that I can't do it all on my own. I am learning that the mom my kids need isn't necessarily the one society thinks they need. That's a very freeing idea to me, and I'm glad I have been given the opportunity to learn that. But it's scary to go against the "norm" and not fall into the guilt trap. I'm trying.
So when you see me out in public, speaking too loudly (ok, yelling) to my kids to hurry up, or pulling the fourth bag of stuff out of the trunk just to get us through an hour long soccer game, or pushing a stroller through the parking lot, while holding three blankets, two tote bags, and holding three kids' hands, understand me. Don't judge. I have six children because I love children, and I believe they are a blessing. They are fed, loved, schooled, and lack for very little. I go without so they can have the things they need, and most of the things they want. Don't feel sorry for me, or look down on me, or think to yourself "what is she thinking?!"
Just look at me as another person, just getting through life the best way I know how. And for crying out loud, grab a tote bag and help me across the street!
I began a series on my other blog, about being a mom of six. I'll post the content from that post here, and continue on. Here's part one...
Six Kids, The Series...
I try to be the positive mom that has six children and can be upbeat about it. I get wound up and stressed, but I try to show in public, at least, that having six children is not outrageous, or weird. I try to show that having six children isn't a bad thing.
But, it does have it's disadvantages. We have four girls and two boys. The boys are close in age (just under three years apart) and they get into things. A lot. They sneak food and try to hide it. They jump off the top of the bunk bed. They hang things from their ceiling fan. They wet the bed, then don't tell me until bedtime the next night. They squirt water all over the bathroom, and smear toothpaste anywhere they can find room. They are a force to be reckoned with.
The girls aren't much better, though! They leave their shoes, cleats, backpacks, hoodies, books, you name it, all over the house. They eat and drink in their rooms and then spill all over. They brush their hair in weird places, and then loose the brush for the next person. When you have four girls with medium to long hair, this ones a biggie!
They are all involved in sports. This means I am toting four to six children to 3 soccer games, 3-6 softball games, and school, every week. I am preparing breakfast, lunch, and then ususally packing dinner to eat on the run 3-4 days a week, for 6 kids. My husband doesn't even eat dinner until after 8 most nights.
I'm really feeling the crunch these last several weeks of school. Field trips, field days, sports, school, finals, and first communion have been paying their toll. I have been making wrong turns while driving, forgetting things and wandering around listlessly all week. I just can't seem to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes, and I feel like I am pulling my hair out.
But I don't want people to think it's because I have six children that I am like this. It's because I am unorganized. I am stressed out because I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. I don't get enough sleep. I am frazzled because I let myself be. I worry about things that I have no control over. It's me, people!
Having six children has forced me to learn some things about myself. I can make decisions under fire and get the job done (when I apply myself!), maybe not perfectly, but adequately. I will never, ever be bored. Ever. I always have someone to talk to, even if they can't talk back, yet. I like to try new things, but I crave structure. I don't get that structure, but I'm learning to accept what I can't change. I am learning to let things go that would have really bothered me even just a few years ago. I am learning to accept that my plan isn't the one that matters. I am learning humility.
I am learning that pride really is a sin, and that I can't do it all on my own. I am learning that the mom my kids need isn't necessarily the one society thinks they need. That's a very freeing idea to me, and I'm glad I have been given the opportunity to learn that. But it's scary to go against the "norm" and not fall into the guilt trap. I'm trying.
So when you see me out in public, speaking too loudly (ok, yelling) to my kids to hurry up, or pulling the fourth bag of stuff out of the trunk just to get us through an hour long soccer game, or pushing a stroller through the parking lot, while holding three blankets, two tote bags, and holding three kids' hands, understand me. Don't judge. I have six children because I love children, and I believe they are a blessing. They are fed, loved, schooled, and lack for very little. I go without so they can have the things they need, and most of the things they want. Don't feel sorry for me, or look down on me, or think to yourself "what is she thinking?!"
Just look at me as another person, just getting through life the best way I know how. And for crying out loud, grab a tote bag and help me across the street!
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