Well, the time has come.

Too many blogs, not enough time. If you wish to continue reading about my life (and who doesn't?) you can find me here: Gillyweeds and Musings. See you there!

Envy

Ok, I have been suffering from Envy for a while. I say suffering, because it is a really hard feeling to deal with sometimes.

I have been very envious of those of my friends who have fewer children, lately. I am envious of their time, their money, their freedom.

I am feeling so guilty because of this! I love my children so much, but I just feel so frustrated. I never thought I would be a mother of six. So now when I think of my life as I had imagined it, and how it is now, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. I always imagined myself like my mom. Working, clean house, lots of free time to pursue my hobbies, visiting family and friends when I feel like it.

None of those things are a reality for me as a mother of six. I work, but I work at home amid the chaos. I don't get to "escape" away to work and do what I always think of as "grown up" work. I work at things like snaking the toilet, doing mountains of laundry and trying to make a little money watching other people's children as well. My house is NEVER clean. Ever. I have free time, but only if I choose to use free time instead of clean. With six children, we can never just hop up and go visit family for a weekend. It's a major ordeal just to go to the store, sometimes.

I don't know where I'm specifically going with this, I guess I just needed to get it out. I am feeling very envious. The first step is admitting the problem, right?

Light my Fire!

Ok, the title of this post sounds much more exciting than the post itself. Sorry in advance.

I have been trying unsuccessfully for about 20 minutes now, to light the pilot on my water heater. I have repeated all the steps. It won't light. What do the directions tell me to do if the light doesn't stay lit? Repeat the directions. At what point do I stop repeating to figure out what the source of the problem is?

This is kind of like my life sometimes. Something happens. I react. It happens again. I react in the same way, hoping something will change. Etc. So isn't that the definition of insanity? Repeating the action hoping that eventually a new result will be reached? I'm thinking of my children and their behavior at the moment. Snow days will make me a little crazy, and yet I always react the same way, hoping that this time, they will magically behave the way I want them to. I am finally realizing that I need to change my attitude and just be grateful to spend this time with them, because it's time I'll never see again.

Anyhoo, I'm off to try to light my fire again, insane or not. I'm not a water heater guy, so I may just have cold water until my hubby gets home and figures it out for me.